DP works shifts so often isn't here when the girls wake up (either because he's already started work or because he worked till 2am and is asleep) and often isn't here for dinner either. On the weeks he's not here for the morning OR the evening routine, I really feel under the pump.

So we struggle to find a routine because DP is around at different times of the day. I've had to spell it out how hard this is. If he's getting home at a 'normal' time he now usually takes the girls into the garden to water the plants while I'm cooking dinner. He seems to not want to bath them unless I say specifically, "can you bath them while I tidy the kitchen/load the dishwasher". Rather than doing something on his own, I think he's only willing to do it if I'm actually doing something too. I'd like to be able to 'slack off' in the evenings. Just sometimes. We put the girls to bed together when DP is here, otherwise I do it on my own if he's working.

One issue that has been very difficult is his unwillingness to take the girls out of the house. I remember him saying after we had DD1 that he would need a week's notice to take DD out for an hour. He's better these days but only because he knows it will cause an almighty argument. I've told him over and over again that it's far easier to do housework if DP and the girls are out of the house. I can get stuff done in a couple of hours that it would take me all week to do with them here and that's so frustrating. I've had to really spell this out. It also took me three years to get him to look after DD1 while I was having a shower and getting dressed. He would come up with all sorts of crap, like why did you have children if you don't like having them around. Just nonsense with the benefit of hindsight.

As far as naps go, he's always been a complete pain. I'm very considerate of the fact that he's a shiftworker and the girls and I have padded around the house for years. I think I've had maybe five naps in five years and most of them have been interrupted because he's let DD1 come in and disturb me. Too hard to keep an eye on her. One time after I was literally dead on my feet from exhaustion, she woke me up ... I went into the living room to find him asleep. I have had to be really aggressive about this now and tell him that if he can't give me the occasional nap then he will get woken up at 7am every morning regardless of whether he's been on a late shift or not. I hate having to get tough but that's the only way he gets it unfortunately.